So our homegroup hosts just got a new puppy.  I wasn't having any ideas about getting a dog.  I mean, I haven't visited those thoughts in quite a while--life has just been too busy.  But when that dog got up, right after having slept on my lap for about 15 minutes, and opened up fire on the rug right in front of everyone, suddenly all questions of having pets in the future were silenced...and I experienced a steady, flowing, yellow piece of realization.  That could have been me that dog peed on...

I would like to think all of us who didn't have pets that night were sharing similar feelings whilst we stared at the crouched puppy in disbelief, half expecting the owners to get angry and half joyful--knowing that we would be exempt from helping clean up.  But that has yet to be confirmed..the feelings I mean.  The cleaning up was never an option for me and not because I don't love serving people, as I can see that becoming a point of criticism in most people's minds.  Please read further

And so, in this moment of zen or realization or whatever you want to call it, I soon began to draw a correlation between what was going on in front of us at that moment and similar events that have happened to me in the nursury at the church when I tried to "help" with the babies.  This correlation lead me to a conclusion about both experiences:  pets are like babies.

I mean this in two ways.  First, pets and babies can't communicate to you exactly what they need so you have to learn what certain movements or sounds mean based on inevitable "accidents" that happen should those needs go unmet.  The two most important meanings being, "I must relieve my bowels and/or kidneys now" coupled with whines or cries of pain from both organisms and "I'm hungry", which is coupled with whines or cries...of...pain...hmmm.  How do you tell the difference?

And secondly, my favorite:  If you don't have babies or pets you're not expected to clean either of these bottoms.  That's the law.  People assume that if you don't have babies or pets you also don't have experience cleaning either of these things and you will either be horrified at the prospect of cleaning up excrement, or they'll thing you're totally incompetent when it comes to handling poo. 

I don't know where this unspoken tendency comes from, but it's an excellent negotiating point.  I'm even typing this out loud and totally blowing my cover, but it still holds true.  If you have never changed a diaper, no one will ever make you!  It's not that inexperience always equals incompetence, but when it comes to dookie all bets are off.